Comments are welcome - don't worry about spellings or grammar - I pay an editor to do that
Forward
First a point or
two, I am writing this from my point of view. I am a man. I’ll try and see
things from a woman’s point of view. Sometimes that is impossible. There are a
lot of factors involved in being retired. I’ll try and cover them. However I am
not an accountant. I am not a lawyer. I am not an MD. I’m just a poor dzhlub
trying to figure it all out.
One thing, I am
Jewish – many points I see from a Jewish point of view. I’ll try and make it
known. Talking about Jewish stuff, I will throw in a Yiddish word here and
there. I’ll define them the best I can when I use them. A dzhlub is a
downtrodden jerk. Aren’t we all?
The Brave New World
Every
day, five days a week, for as long as I can remember I followed the same
pattern. The alarm would go off. I would get out of bed, trot onto the bathroom
and do my morning ritual. That ritual included cleaning up, shaving and
brushing my (short) hair. Then I would put on slacks, a dress shirt, a tie and
cufflinks. I would grab a cup of coffee, my wallet, phone and keys. I would put
on the appropriate jacket and head out the door. Given my build: no neck and
short arms, The one affection that I allowed myself was custom shirts, Full
button down collars, no shirt pocket and monogrammed French cuffs. I had the
shirts starched heavily. I noticed that when I started wearing these shirts, I
was treated with more respect. Without them I was just another “fat guy”.
Then one
day poof. It was all gone. The shirts, tie and suits gather dust in the corner
of the closet. I woke up when my body woke up. I rotate two or three pair of
jeans. For dress wear I put on Chinos. I wear golf shirts and athletic shoes
every day. I stopped carrying a phone
and stopped wearing a watch. I was happy with that life style for about a month
and then it got boring. I examined my life in detail and made some changes. This book will discuss those changes.
For a long time
your life has belonged to someone else, at least five days a week. For that
first month (or so) of retirement you could not help feeling guilty. You had to
do something productive with your life. If you’ve read any of my other books[1]
you know that I’m a list-maker I will start my “Laws for Retirement Survival.”
Law 1 – If it’s not fun, don’t do it.
I had to have a
shrink tell me that. She didn’t use those words, exactly, but she sure as hell
implied it. You have worked all your life for others. You have grown children
who are – or should be – on their own. You and your S.O.[2]
now have the opportunity to relax and enjoy each other’s company. Why else did
you work some forty years? Think about that: No Meetings, No reports, No
putting up with imbecilic supervisors of moronic subordinates. Yes you still
have to take out the trash and load the dishwasher; but what about the other
90% of your time?
I got involved in
an amateur theater group doing something that I normally enjoy. Well, the lady
leading this group is a jerk. After she took over I realized that I was having
no fun. In the community that I live in there are many other things to do. I
belong to a writers group. Everyone, even me, is treated respectfully.
Divergent ideas are discussed, but they never get personal. Yes they get
heated. But it is never personal. I can and do enjoy this. I had two activities
that I enjoyed. One was fun one was not fun. Guess which one I quit?
Law 2 – Get up and try something new
I haven’t ridden a
horse in about fifty years. I do not intend to try. When I was in high school I
had to take woodshop. I made a board. I did not enjoy making a board; I will
not ever do it again. Do you see what’s coming? I don’t enjoy falling off of a
horse. I don’t enjoy endlessly running a piece of sandpaper over a piece of
wood. Over the decades I have written a few papers. The last class that I
taught enabled me to write the textbook. The community that I live in has a
wonderful par-3 9-hole golf course. A lot of people like golf, I think I’ll try
it. I tried it and did not enjoy it. I tried it and did not like it. And then is the fact that I live in Colorado.
I could go climb 14ers[3].
I never liked hiking I never will.
I know what I
don’t like. I tried a few things new and didn’t like them but I joined a
writers group. Hey I enjoy writing. I spend about 4 – 5 hours a day at the
keyboard. When I have a chain of thought I can to non-stop for a long time. If
you go to Amazon.com and enter “Howard Flomberg” you will see my books. Go
ahead – I’ll wait. Dum-de-dum, lalala, boopy-doopyodoo. OK, you’re back now? I am slightly insane, in
a fun way. Writing allows me to exercise that insane side of me as well as the
serious side of me. While writing is not exactly new – It’s something I enjoy.
I tried it and I like it.
When I was a
teenager music was the center of my life. I played guitar – hung out in
Greenwich Village and soaked up the folk scene. I was in a small garage rock
group. Then I got serious about being a grown up and the guitar got hung up in
the closet. After I retired the guitar came out of the closet. I play it and
love it. However this might not be the time to take up Sky Diving; but if
that’s what you really want to do, go for it.
Former President George H. W. Bush skydives.
.
Law 3 – Spend money on yourself and your S.O.
I have to save for
a rainy day. Look outside – it’s clear and sunny. It may never rain again. Get
the hell out of the house. Buy the S.O. a new outfit. My S.O. refinished the
living room – it was not cheap but she is happy. Believe me, there’s nothing
worse than living with an unhappy S.O.
My kids were
trying to decide on who got whose parents to take care of, me and my wife or my
son’s Mother-in-law. They flipped a coin and the loser got me. If I need someone to take care of me, I’ll
spend my last few days in my Daughters back closet. Some time ago I noticed
that I was having more and more senior moments. I got concerned and asked my
doctor about it. Now let me explain one thing my doctor is a Jewish Mother. I
gravitate towards Jewish Mothers. She laughed at me and said – Why worry. If
you get Alzheimer’s you won’t know who you are. Enjoy the trip.
Right now you can
take a vacation. Right now you can go to the mall. Do it now. You might just
get lucky and die sooner than later.
Spend money on yourself and your S.O.
No comments:
Post a Comment